The Iguana, Diablo
by fishareflamable
Summary: A struggling author takes on a real perspective of life with her own life story. She meets an Iguana guy and they ultimately try to save an iguana in captivity, Diablo, and return him to the wild in Panama. Loosely based on Family Guy, and ANTM.
1. Mitsy

Just another day. It started like just another day. I sat down in front of my black monitor, staring absently into the darkness. I switched it on to be greeted with a loud "mehhh" from my delighting little apple computer. I was in an everlasting cycle. I began with an idea so groundbreaking I nearly cried. I developed an impossible plot. I typed thousands of words for numerous days. Then came the unfortunate yet inescapable ending day. I would plop myself down in my sturdy leather chair, fully ready to transform my thoughts into a miraculous novel. Then I'd break down, realizing how idiotic and impossible my tale really was. My heart would heave, shoulders droop; smile fade like a teenage pop band. It felt as if little roaches had crawled into my arteries and begun to eat away at my hope and unparalleled optimism. That day was an ending day. I eternally gave up that story. I slouched in my chair, sighing deeply. I had a sudden urge for a cat. A cat to cuddle and purr and raise my spirits. But my life was not like the hopeless stories I attempted to finish. No, my life was far from that. I had no cat to miraculously curl up in my lap precisely timed 2 seconds after my deep sigh. All I had was a nauseating roommate deeply motivated to make my life miserable.

"Hey Chancy?" she blurted, busting out of her door on the arm of her equally irritating boyfriend. "We're going out! Be a dear and take care of Mitsy kay?" She smiled sarcastically and pranced out the door.

"Sure! I'm thrilled to! Because I have absolutely no plans on my social schedule this gorgeous Saturday morning!" I called after her.

"Mitsy! You better be inanimate or I'm calling Animal Control!" I screamed toward Monica's door.

I pushed it open furiously, scanning the room with squinted eyes. There was no sign of life. I whistled. Two ears popped up from Monica's bathroom. It was a Chihuahua looking very nervous. I must have scared the little thing, I thought, kneeling down and holding out my hand precariously. It growled and bared its teeth. I stumbled and backed away slowly, hoping to not scare it anymore. Suddenly it yapped viciously and raced towards me. I yelled and crammed myself up onto my desk. The Chihuahua snarled and jumped at my feet.

"MONICA!" I bellowed.


	2. Diablo

After Monica came home I roasted her, seriously considering homicide when she said, "oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know you didn't want to do it! Speak up next time kay?"

I instead settled on a trip to an ice cream parlor, hoping for inspiration.

"I'll have two scoops of the intense chocolate in a cup, with… butterfinger mixins," I ordered to the zit-faced teenager at the counter. I was in desperate need of an uplift. I carried the decadent ice cream treat to the table that appeared to have the least grime. I began formulating ideas. So there's this girl. She's wealthy, an heiress- even. And she falls for an ice cream scooper. No, too _Pride and Prejudice_. Okay, okay, rethink writing! There is a canary! No, no, nothing with a canary. A vampire? No, too cynical. I looked outside the window. A woman in a trench coat blabbed on her cell phone and sipped a starbucks coffee. Okay, so there is this woman who is comprised of all things material. Yes- she's a typical wealthy, pampered, naïve woman. And then everything is stripped from her. Her wealth, her privilege, her belongings. But how? She becomes the victim of identity theft. Yeah, that'd be a lovely engaging story, yet somehow I thought the resemblance of it to an insurance company's commercial would be a little unattractive. Not yet giving up hope, I stared out the window, waiting for inspiration to pop out and seize me in a rush of passion. I tried to make the most out of a woman and her daughter walking across the street into Gap Kids. No, this was not a story. In a story, the perfect event would happen which would trigger an epiphany of a perfect plot. I groaned and stabbed my ice cream with the little plastic spoon. Writing was hard.

After finishing, I left the store feeling greatly defeated. It didn't help the zit-face tried to hit on me. I scanned the random scattered stores around the shopping center. Beside the ice cream store was a pet store that attracted me. It looked like inspiration on a stick! I pushed through the door and emerged into a foul smelling room lined with lizards, mice, fish, and other exotic pets. My eyes widened when I saw a large green lizard sitting in a cage. I approached it warily, still a little nervous from that morning's encounter with Mitsy, or as I now like to call her- the Hellion. The label under it read "green iguana." It was pretty frightening, what with the scary dragon-like appearance.

"I see you've met Diablo," said an unfamiliar voice. I gasped and spun around, coming face to face with a man in a green shirt.

"Uh… Yeah… I mean, uh huh," I stammered. His nametag read 'Andrew.' I backed away from him.

"May I help you?" he asked accusingly, as if people who didn't know at least 5 facts on iguanas shouldn't be allowed to visit the store.

"Um, no, I'm just looking thanks," I said, smiling earnestly. Now I got a better look at him. He was blonde with gray eyes, lots of freckles, and had the resemblance of a California surfer. Even though he seemed stuck up and pompous- (about iguanas… it seemed) he was gorgeous! I couldn't believe my luck! Was this luck? Was it inspiration? I'd soon find out. He eyed me suspiciously and said, "fine. Just don't touch any of the animals." He glared at me and- after seeming to decide that I wouldn't upset the lizard's balanced diet or pour iodine in the fish tanks- returned to the cashier register. I scanned the rows of animals, glancing nervously at Andrew. He intrigued and intimidated me at the same time. If this were a story, he'd be a kind gentleman. He'd nervously try to hook up with me. We'd slowly yet surely fall in love. No, this certainly wasn't a story.

"Okay, out! It's my lunch break," he commanded.

I peered at him disappointedly. "Oh? Are you coming back? I mean- is the store going to open again?"

He pushed through the door and flicked off the lights. "Out." I watched as he walked hastily towards his used Honda City.

"Do you want to get some ice cream sometime?" I called desperately after him.

"I'm allergic," he said as he slammed his door shut and drove away.


End file.
